Controlling everything is like trying to nail Jello to the wall- an absolutely impossible task and a total waste of time.
I am a control freak. I like things done my way, exactly how I want them, and I want them done on my terms and at my convenience. Maybe I am just a true Virgo, maybe I am just completely insane. It might be best if I quit my job and start a company, any company, so that I can spend my days micromanaging everything around me.
Lately it feels as though I have lost complete control. It is strange how two months ago I thought that I had everything I wanted and had worked for, now I feel as though I was somehow duped and got stuck in this mess. Two months ago I was fresh off turning thirty. One day shy of two months ago I learned that maybe I wasn't so great. I was so hung over sitting in the doctor's office that it was all I could do not to throw up on my own feet. As she broke the first round of news to me I became so queasy that I warned her I just may lose it in the trash can. She offered her hand to hold as she calmly told me the next blow... my cells were out of control. Shit, everything seemed so out of control. It was as if the Tilt-A-Whirl wouldn't stop tilting or whirling and being that I am not afraid of heights I considered jumping off just to escape.
Fast forward 60 days:
I have no control over anything. It has been slow going coming to terms with it. What I am learning (even though I am fighting the acceptance) is that even I have to pick and choose my battles. Maybe if I can learn to accept that I can not control every aspect of life I can learn to enjoy the stress free life of not having to always boss shit.
I can however control what I put in my mouth unless it is Pepsi or coffee, that was an epic failure that I don't even mind failing at. That Pepsi tasted so delicious yesterday.
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