The C Word

Tomorrow I will find out that I don't have cancer (a girl can dream- positive thinking here). My brain says one thing while my body and heart say another. I have spent the last few months nervous to find out what the biopsy would reveal and how I would handle it. I have kept it a secret from everyone but a select few people who I knew would make me laugh in an attempt to avoid the pity that might be directed toward me.

All of this has left me a little lost. I did what I do best initially which was to push away those close to me and make jokes instead of being afraid. I drank, to clear my head and to just forget. When that didn't work I took up perfecting my squating technique. That didn't work too well either so I went back to making jokes. I know that regardless of how tomorrow goes something needs to change. I need to change. At the urging of my boyfriend I am going to do a cleanse (the new C word in my vocab). I bought the Vita-mix and the book, talked about it for months yet failed to go through with it.

Today started my pre-cleanse. I cut out Pepsi, anyone who knows me knows that is the hardest thing I could do. There is nothing more in the world that I want right now than an ice cold can of Pepsi. There is nothing more enjoyable than that first sip of fizzy delicious. Tomorrow will be the first day without coffee in as long as I can remember. I am already anticipating the headache with a slight sense of sadistic joy. I'm sticking to this regardless of what I find out tomorrow.

My alarm is set for 5:45 AM. I will make it to my first early morning Lithe Method workout in the morning if it kills me. I am completely out of shape and have lost all stamina, but there is no better way for me than to just jump in and plan for not being able to walk correctly for days. I can't wait for Kim to kick my rear end back up my thighs to where it belongs so early in the day. I can't think of a better way to prepare for that dreaded 10 AM appointment.

If you see some girl twitching and with the shakes outside of a coffee shop it is just me, don't feel bad for me. I am leaving my wallet at home so I can't buy a coffee.