“Showing up is meeting life with fascination and curiosity
rather than fear, worry, and foreboding. And if there is fear, you can show up
anyhow.”
Showing up can be anything from saying hi to a stranger,
dragging yourself out of bed on a bad day, signing up for a class, getting
counseling, or going for a walk and taking everything in.
During the last week I have been showing up and noticing how
things feel. Showing up for a 6:00 AM workout left me exhausted yet energized
for the day. I have never liked being the new kid or in the worst shape but I
have gotten over that fear and managed to show up and enjoy the fight. It was
my curiosity that got the best of me when the workout was 55 pull-ups and 55
handstand push-ups. Of course I had to
modify it, which entailed an additional 55 sit-ups. Needless to say showing
up paid off. And breakfast after wasn’t too shabby either. Showing up has left
me with a feeling of vitality and flow. All of the past week’s experiences have
offered an opportunity to see something new and enjoy the newness of things.
There is a joy that comes with flowing through experiences and being willing to
put yourself out there.
Today on the other
hand was a different story:
Showing up for me today has been going to work. It took a
little bit more effort than I would like to admit. This morning I felt
violated. I got angry, I cried out of anger (the wrong reaction, I know), I let
the anger out in a healthy way, and then I moved on. I moved on by standing up
for myself. This violation is not something that I am going to let just pass- I
will not be victimized any longer. So here I am at work, still a little uneasy,
but here nonetheless. I am disappointed with the actions of another individual.
I cannot change their actions but I can control how their actions affect my
emotional state. I should have learned already that this individual will not
change and I must change in response. I will sit with the disappointment and
feel it then I will let the disappointment go (like so many times before). What
I learned in step one was to notice what left me feeling stuck. This morning I
felt it and recognized it right away. So if today brings nothing else it has
given me my very first experience with the ability to notice what hurt and to
recognize how I felt. I felt debilitated. I no longer feel that way.
By showing up today
exactly the way I am I have created self-acceptance.
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